OTTAWA – The federal government today announced that restrictions regarding the use of temporary foreign workers would be relaxed so that foreign political leaders may be imported to fill the growing vacancies at all levels of government, with the hopes of reversing Canada’s slow slide into anarchy.
“The reality is that our political leaders are usually some combination of buffoons, criminals, and ego-centric blowhards….especially at the municipal level, ” said the spokesperson for Citizenship and Immigration Canada. “Those that are actually high-skilled and competent, such as Bank of Canada Governor Mark Carney, end up leaving on their own accord for better pastures. It’s clear we need to import foreign political leaders as soon as possible in order to prevent complete anarchy from occurring.”
Dean Del Torres, a political science professor at the University of Manitoba, believes that this move will be deeply unpopular with Canadians, considering that exotic dancers were recently restricted from being imported as temporary foreign workers. “This is not going to go over well,” stated Del Torres.
“Canadians are going to feel scammed once they realize that, in essence, they’ll be getting politicos instead of strippers. It’s not the way they envisioned getting screwed.”