HAWKESBURY – At a campaign pitstop in Hawkesbury, Ontario, Justin Trudeau delivered a speech in which he revealed himself to be a card-carrying member of the American-based National Rifle Association (NRA).
“Contrary to everybody’s perception of me, I am an enthusiastic firearm user and supporter….in fact, I’m packing heat right now,” stated Trudeau, while flipping open his blazer to reveal a .357 Magnum on his side. “Rifles, handguns, single-barreled shotguns, double-barreled shotguns, semi-automatics, fully-automatics, the BFG 9000….I’m down with anything.”
“Growing up while my father was Prime Minister, I was always surrounded by RCMP officers who had guns, and I was quite fascinated by them. One day when I was nine years old, one of the officers left behind his fully-loaded gun in our house, and so I took it and kept it in my room. Several weeks later, a masked intruder somehow slipped past security and entered our home during dinner. I ran upstairs, fetched the handgun, and came down and pumped six rounds into the dude. He turned out to be a jaded Albertan who was trying to seek revenge for the National Energy Program imposed by my father.”
“That night, I realized the value of the right to self-defense. With the imposition of the NEP and the rise of the FLQ, there were a lot of crazy Albertans and Quebecers out there….all my family members carried concealed weapons just in case. If anybody else decided to get all up in our grill…*pow* *pow*…watch out!”
“I really envied the Americans’ constitutional right to bear arms….so much so, I became a member of the NRA. Here in Canada, the destruction of the gun registry is a small step in the right direction as it was very punitive towards law-abiding citizens. As Prime Minister, I would continue the liberalization of our gun laws in order to provide Canadians with increased options to defend themselves and their property. I believe every Canadian has a right to a gun in their home, and I would help to create firearms tax deductions aimed at families to provide a further incentive for gun ownership.”