OTTAWA – After weeks of #IdleNoMore protests by aboriginals and unrelenting pressure from opposition politicians, Prime Minister Stephen Harper finally spoke publically about the movement yesterday during a special television address and made a key concession.
The television address was delivered on all network channels at 2:35am in the morning, and featured Harper wearing a native head dress.
“My dear friends,” began Harper, “for far too long, our collective history between Indians and normal Canadians has been tainted by allegations of persistent, adverse effects caused by the colonialism that founded our glorious nation.”
“It is time to put this issue to rest once and for all. I want you to know that I have been paying attention to #IdleNoMore and I am responding with decisive action.”
“NO MORE Eric Idle; I have hereby ordered a decree that old Monty Python episodes be no longer broadcast by the CBC into our aboriginal reserves. At long last, we are removing the last remnants of British colonialism on our reserved lands. My Indian friends, you will now truly be #IdleNoMore.”
Eric Idle, one of the stars of the Monty Python series, was unavailable for comment.